Lazy Boy Gaming

Games are suck a cock tease.

You know what we mean. Just take the ending of every Red Alert game in existence. Your “personal battle assistant” is always a hot ravishing cadet, whether it’s Lt. Zofia clad in a body-hugging leather suit or the Lt. Eva in her super tight white skirt. At the end of the game, after winning all the battles, you get a short cut scene where the lady in question asks you out for a date… and that’s it.

This may well suit pre-pubescent thirteen-year olds seeing their first gratutious shots of the female anatomy. But not thirty-year old gamers stuck in their mother’s basement. After giving us blue balls five straight games in a row, the least Electronic Arts and Westwood could do is show the two hot Allied and Soviet girls having a makeout session in HQ.

Unfortunately, we don’t see that happening anytime soon. So instead, we’ve come up with a list of games where you can get laid… at least virtually.

Leisure Suit Larry

Larry is the demented nephew of the Italian brothers in the old Mario games. Whereas his two bumbling uncles were chasing after a Princess, Larry is preoccupied chasing younger, more nubile coeds in college.

The fun thing about this game is that it doesn’t involve just one gameplay. You get to play a drinking game, a side-scrolling game involving condoms and one determined sperm, and a bunch of other mini-games. Once you’ve accomplished these tasks and successfully landed yourself one of the campus sweethearts, you can do all sorts of wild things together.

Of course, since it’s all presented in a cartoon way, you need to have a thing for ACME style porn if you want a hard-on.

GTA: San Andreas + Hot Coffee crack

The demented heads at Rockstar Games decided to include a naughty Easter egg with the previous GTA title. By installing the “Hot Coffee” crack, the character can actually do the hot bitches walking all over San Andreas.

The controls are somewhat similar to the mini-games like the hydraulics competition and dance face-off. The nice thing about this is that you have a choice of different views of the action. Plus, it also works as a health booster… once you get shot up pretty badly, grab yourself a hooker and you’ll be cured in no time!

The only side effects are a bad case of herpes and/or gonnorhea.

Japanese hentai games

Obviously.