Lazy Boy Gaming

Unless you’re related to Bill Gates or a wealthy oil sheikh in the Middle East, chances are you need to work just like the rest of us to fuel your gaming addiction, as well pay for less important stuff like food and utility bills. And if you’re a hardcore gamer like us, chances are you can’t WAIT to get the shit done, punch out, and jump back into the comfort of your Lazyboy chair for some serious ass-kicking.

Unfortunately, the reality is that we will never be as awesome as Gordon Freeman or the Dukes of Hazzard. The truth is we will probably spend 70% of our lives trapped in our cubicles, looking forward to the measly 30% that we spend on gaming and clutching the controller.

If you’re feeling as trapped as we are by this corporate prison, here’s a handy guide to help get you through the day.

Action figures

If you can’t kick some alien Combine ass, then bring them to the office.

Get one of those nifty McFarlane action figures (not “dolls”) to display at your desk. They produce everything from cute cartoon characters to serious KYSS figures. Then there are also 1/6th collector’s edition sets of military figures that feature real cloth, leather and hand-crafted weapons, like the Navy Seals, SAS and German GIGN.

If you’re really aching for some trigger time, just grab these expensive toys from their perch and start making up mock firefights like you used to do in third grade.

Paper sports

When you tire of playing with your dolls – I mean figures – there are the age old classic sports you can play with paper.

There’s trash basketball, paper football, mini golf with a crumpled sheets and pens…. the possibilities are endless. You might as well make use of the scraps thrown around by those busy executives and Forex trading brokers around you, right?

Doodling

You have no art talent whatsoever, and the best you can do are stick figures. So what? It’s not like you’re gonna exhibit your work at the Met, right?

Every time the clock moves sluggishly, but you can’t play around because of the boss, break out a sheet and start drawing. This has the advantage of making you look busy, furiously scribbling away with a frown in your forehead, when you’re really just trying to draw Master Chief’s head.